Chapters in our Life Story

One of the things I love to do is help people sort through their things and let go of what they no longer use, according to who they are today. We all have chapters in our life story, and along with those stages of life, there are special belongings that reflect those times in our lives. Some of the things may bring joy, while others may trigger unpleasant feelings. The point is, we grow through stages of our lives. And as we do, we can take up a practice of examining our past, our present, and make room for who we are becoming tomorrow. In short, regular purges of our possessions can be such a practice.

One example that comes up for me in my life’s story is a swede fringe coat. In my younger hippie days, I had lots of clothes with fringes-vests, boots, purses and coats. But my favorite one was a dark brown coat that invoked my love for 60’s folk music, à la Neil Young and David Crosby. I wore that coat everywhere and it became part of my identity as a free wheeling, peace-and-love kind of gal.

Then as life progressed, I married, became a mother, a gardener and an early childhood teacher. I let go of my hippie paraphernalia, but that coat traveled with me from Ontario to the west coast of BC and then to Colorado. But it gradually made it way from the front of the closet to the very back.

Over time, it lost its splendor and started to feel heavy. I had discovered new styles of dressing and new ways of expressing my identity.

Thirty years later, I started my own business helping families declutter and simplify spaces in their homes. Along with that was helping people let go of their past to make room for their future. There came a time when I opened my own closet door and I needed to take my own advice. I decided to look for a home for this unique piece of clothing. I couldn’t just put it in the general Thrift Box. I had to find a special place where it would be appreciated. I ended up donating it to a local performing arts high school. They have a huge repertoire of clothes and costumes from a wide array of eras and they were happy to receive it. Finding the right home made me feel good and made it easier for me to let go.

There was another time when I was going through my arts and crafts supplies and figuring out what to keep and what to let go of. As I went through my stash and walked down memory lane of all the fun things I made in the kindergarten over the years, I found a box of fabric that is specifically designed for doll making. I tried doll making but it just wasn’t my thing. As a result, that fabric sat there for years and never got used. I thought of a fellow early childhood teacher who loved to make dolls, and I offered it to her. She was thrilled to receive it and I was happy to let it go. She made beautiful dolls with that fabric. It was a Win-Win.

A few years ago, when I was visiting my mom, (who at that time was 93 years of age), I helped her let go of some things in her kitchen. As she sat at the table, I opened cupboard doors so she could see inside and she would point at things that she was ready to let go of. “I don’t make jello anymore” she would say. “And I don’t have parties either. You can let go of the big punch bowl. Those are from a different time in my life. I eat more simply now.” I filled up several boxes of things to bring to the the thrift store.

One day, I noticed a drawer full of sewing and quilting supplies. My mom liked to sew all of her life, and quilting brought her the most joy. She had photo albums of all of the quilts she sewed throughout her life, for her kids, grandkids and great grandkids. And she and my dad made banners for their church too. “Your dad would cut out the letters and I would quilt them on to the fabric” she said. To anyone else, they would just look like any old sewing supplies, but to her, they represented a life of telling stories with quilts. These items hit a tender spot for her. We couldn’t give them to just anybody. They had to go to someone who would appreciate its value.

“How about we gather them and put them in a special basket?” I said. “They can sit here in the kitchen until we find just the right home for them.” My mom agreed that this was a good idea. It was fun to hear her stories of her quilting days as she lovingly put her sewing needles, threads and scissors in the basket with care. There they sat and we didn’t mention it again.

A few days later, in came Natalie, the friendly neighborhood house cleaner. As she dusted my mom’s shelves and swept the floor, she cheerfully said to my mom “guess what, Teddy? I have a new hobby. I am learning how to make quilts. It’s so much fun!” My mom and I looked at each other and no words were necessary. She got up and handed the basket of sewing treasures to Natalie. “I hope you enjoy quilting as much as I did” she said. Natalie was happy to receive them and my mom was happy to give them away, knowing they would go to a good home. And my mom still has her photo album of quilts that give her joy to look at.

Another Win-Win.

As for chapters in our lives, we can acknowledge and appreciate the things belonging to those times…and then gently let them go. Finding the right home for beloved things can make the letting go easier and more meaningful. A story here and a memory there can add chapters to our Book of Life. Maybe we can lighten our load by keeping a simple photo from that time. Or, as a wise person once said to me, we can let go of that outer thing and hold an inner memory that can warm our hearts for years to come.